Haruhi the (Highly Annoyed) Commoner
by BubbleBerry8
Summary: Haruhi's day seems normal until a certain pair of twins come to make it much more exciting. Based off of Film Cow's "Charlie the Unicorn".
1. Chapter 1

**Sorry, it's been a while. (Nearly three months, to be more precise.) I was busy with finals and my weekends have been overwhelmingly overtaken by skiing and club soccer. And track season has already started. Yeah, I'm a busy person, and unfortunately this is one of my lower priorities. But you'll be happy to hear (I hope) that I'm starting to post a new story and I've gotten it all written out already. It's based off of this one YouTube series called Charlie the Unicorn. I saw this one mmd of the Hitachiin twins and Haruhi acting one of the scenes and was inspired to create a parody of some sorts (though some may call it a crossover). Also, this chapter is loosely based off of Episode 5.**

 **If you haven't noticed, you can see that the color of the twins' cosplay doesn't match their hair from Episode 5. This is because I thought the blue unicorn in Charlie the Unicorn was more like Hikaru than Kaoru. There are also some objects they toss to the side that are significant parts of each chapter. And there's a little hint at the bottom, if you can read sideways hiragana. Sorry about the image being sideways; it was the only way I could get the whole thing to fit.**

 **So, without further ado (not adieu, as I recently learned), I present to you _Haruhi the (Highly Annoyed) Commoner_. **

* * *

Setting: Ouran High School's 4th Library PRESENT TENSE

Haruhi sits at a table with her homework and textbooks, currently studying. She is adjourned by the school's most infamous (and possibly only) pair of twins.

"Heeeeyyy, Haruhi. Hey Haruhi, what's up!" Hikaru asks, approaching her left side.

"Yeah Haruhi, how's your homework going?" Kaoru asks from her right.

"Oh God, you guys. It was fine until you two showed up. Did a guest request me?" Haruhi asks, looking up from her homework.

"No, Haruhi, we found a map to Sweets Bakery. Sweets Bakery, Haruhi!" Hikaru announces, waving a large piece of paper with small sketches draw on it in front of her face.

"Yeah, Haruhi, we're going to Sweets Bakery. Come with us, Haruhi." Kaoru urges, pulling her shoulder lightly.

"Yeah Haruhi, it'll be an adventure! We're going on an ad _ven_ ture, Haruhi!" Hikaru informs.

"Yeah, Sweets Bakery, right. I'm just going to get back to studying now." She bows her head over her homework, about to continue when she is interrupted again.

"Nooooooooo! Haruhi! You have to come with us to Sweets Bakery!" Hikaru exclaims, tugging on her arm with a wicked grin.

"Yeah Haruhi, Sweets Bakery! It's a land of candy, and joy. And joyness." Kaoru says, jumping excitedly.

"Please just go away already." Haruhi groans in annoyance.

"Aww, but there's nothing else to do around here." Hikaru pouts halfheartedly.

"Yeah, I'm so bored right now." Kaoru complains.

"Alright, fine, I'll go with you to Sweets Bakery." Haruhi obliges, fully aware of what happens when the little devils have too much time on their hands. Hopefully this wasn't another one of their pranks.

* * *

"La la la, la la la la…" The twins sing while skipping merrily.

"Ugh, can you guys please stop with the singing?" Haruhi asks politely.

"Our first stop is over there, Haruhi." Hikaru says, pointing to a figure in a black cloak and a small cat-like hand puppet.

"Oh God, who is that?" Haruhi asks, a little alarmed by the figure's dark presence.

"It's Nekozawa, Haruhi." Hikaru states.

"He teaches black magic, Haruhi." Kaoru announces.

"He's gonna guide our way to Sweets Bakery." They say insync.

"Um, he's not gonna curse us, right?" Haruhi asks, recognizing his name from one of Tamaki's often exaggerated stories.

"Don't let the Boss's stupidity rub off on you, Haruhi." Hikaru claims, elbowing her side.

"I'd like to say the same to you, Hikaru." Kaoru prods.

"Bro, shut the heeeell up." Hikaru turns to glare at his brother.

"You shut the heeeeell up." Kaoru counters.

"No, _you_ shut the heeeeeeell up." Hikaru repeats, crossing his arms defiantly.

"How about you both go and shut the hell up." Haruhi remarks grumpily.

" _Sweets_. _Candy. If you have a sweet tooth, you should go to Sweets Bakery. There's voodoo dolls that if you write a person's name on them, they'll be cursed_ for-ev-ver _._ " Nekozawa insists in a deep, haunting voice.

"Why are you not creeped out by this?" Haruhi asks her fellow classmates to either side of her.

"Go! Evil beam!" Hikaru yells enthusiastically while whipping out a flashlight and directing it at Nekozawa.

"Nooooo! You murdererrrrrs!" Nekozawa runs away screaming.

"Well that was lame." Kaoru says, shrugging apathetically.

"Don't you think that was kind of rude?" Haruhi asks to no reply.

* * *

"It's just across the street, Haruhi." Hikaru says, pointing to the pastel-colored building with no windows and a poorly painted sign labeled 'Sweets Bakery' nailed onto the front.

"The magical street, of hope and wonderrrr." Kaoru says, gesturing towards the car-covered street with jazz hands.

"It just looks like an ordinary road. Are you sure we should be crossing at this time of day? The traffic's really bad." Haruhi notes, unwilling to put herself in any more danger.

"Haruhiii, Commoner, Tanukii, Nor-" Hikaru calls teasingly.

"Who you calling Tanuki?!" Haruhi rebukes angrily.

"You, you cute little raccoon dog." Kaoru answers, patting her head.

* * *

"Tadaa! We're here!" Hikaru announces ecstatically.

"Sweets Bakery, Sweets Bakery, you fill me with sweet, sugary goodness!" Kaoru sings.

"Goodness? Really? I know it may _taste_ _good_ , but it's not really _good_ for you." Haruhi remarks.

"Our poor little Haruhi doesn't understand the joy of eating sweets. How unfortunate." The twins sigh and shrug their shoulders.

"Hey, just because I'm slightly shorter and younger than you does _not_ mean you get to call me little!" Haruhi rebukes angrily.

" _Slightly_?" Kaoru asks, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm pretty sure 8 inches taller is a lot more than _slightly_." Hikaru states.

"Ugh, can we just go back to school now? I've got more studying to do, and I don't even really like sweets." Haruhi groans dully.

"But she _does_ like cute things..." They point out.

"I can't believe we came all this way just for a bakery that's probably not even real." Haruhi comments.

"Shun the non-believer." Hikaru sneers.

"Shuuuuunnn." Kaoru adds.

"Shhhhhuuuun nuh." Hikaru emphasizes.

"Sheesh. What did I even do?!" Haruhi asks, offended.

"Go inside the Sweets Bakery door, Haruhi." Hikaru insists.

"Yeah Haruhi, go inside the door! Magical wonders will behold you when you enter!" Kaoru asserts.

"Yeah, magic. I'd really like to get back to school. And studying." Haruhi counters.

"But you have to enter the Sweets Bakery, Haruhi!" They cheer.

The familiar sound of a high-powered motor fills the air as Hani dressed in a bunny suit rises from the ground before them in Renge's rotating pedestal.

"Wait a second. I thought only Renge could be in that thing. Also, what's it doing here?!" Haruhi asks, but her question is disregarded as her senpai begins to sing.

"Oh, when you're down and looking for some cheering up, then just head right up to the Sweets Bakery. When you get inside you'll find yourself a land of sweets. They've got lollipops and bunny drops and candy things, also manly things, that will brighten up your day. It's impossible to wear a frown in the Bakery. It's the mecca of lovely bakeries. They've got pumpkin seeds and kitty cats with lit-tle hats, it's a wonderland of sweets. By the chocolate cake near the lake, strawberries, it's a treat that you're lucky enough to eat. Cherry ribbons stream across the sky and to the ground. Turn around, astound, it's a sweet honey bee. And the bakery imagination runs so free, now Haru-chan, will you please go into the bakery!"

Hani bows then the platform returns to the ground.

"Is it me, or did that mouse sound like Hani?" Haruhi asks, suspicious.

"No, silly Haruhi. It's a bunny, not a mouse." The twins respond.

"Okay, fine. I'll go into Sweets Bakery. We better not have come all this way for nothing." Haruhi grunts, walking into the open door that lead to a surprisingly dark passageway.

"Goodbye, Haruhi." They say eerily.

"Hey! Where are you guys going? What about me?" Haruhi asks turning around as the door slams shut, leaving her in a black room that definitely wasn't a candy shop. She hears footsteps approaching, then something slams into her head.

* * *

"Oww. What happened?" Haruhi asks, rubbing her forehead. She looks up to see she's back at the library and realizes her desk is clear. "Aww, they stole my homework."

 _You know, if you wanted help, you could've just asked._ She thought.

* * *

 **So, if you have any allusions or things you would like to add, please either write a review or send me a PM. You may also tell me if you find any allusions (references to other works) and what you think they are. I'll probably add it if it's something I can agree on and I'll say who it is if given permission by whoever gave me the idea. Credit will be given where credit is earned. Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter, and don't forget to Follow, Favorite, and Review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry, it's been over two months since I updated this. I hope you weren't waiting too long! I've been busy with tests this spring as well as preparing for finals, so I didn't get the chance to write much. The only things I had time for writing were essays for English or History. Hope you enjoy the second episode of Haruhi the (Highly Annoyed) Commoner!**

* * *

Haruhi is sitting with her guests. Hikaru and Kaoru enter wearing swim trunks and snuba gear. They seem to be floating in the air, but are just wearing bungee gear.

"Look over there! It's a sunken ship!" Hikaru exclaims, pointing to a red couch.

"Oh great, it's you two again. You know, if you wanted help with your homework, you could've just asked." Haruhi informs, recalling the occurrences the day before.

"What do you mean?" Hikaru asks.

"Yeah, what are you talking about?" Kaoru inquires.

"Oh come on, guys. You seriously don't remember what happened yesterday? Something about Sweets Bakery?" Haruhi accuses.

"Haruhi, we're snuba diving, Haruhi!" Hikaru announces.

"We're exploring the depths of the ocean blue!" Kaoru declares.

"Yeah, I see that. Though I don't understand how you're floating." Haruhi states.

"Strings, Haruhi!" Hikaru answers.

"Yeah, we're puppeteers!" Kaoru adds.

"What? We're not on a stage." Haruhi questions.

"Oh no! Here comes a school of infamous fancy tuna!" Hikaru shouts, pointing at a vase of red roses.

"Noooo! Tunaaa!" Kaoru screams in false terror.

"What are you guys talking about? I don't see any tuna." Haruhi interrogates. The twins land on the ground and start taking off their snuba gear.

"Well that wasn't very nice." They remark, as if offended by her comment.

"You don't have much of an imagination, do you Haruhi?" Hikaru quizzes with his hands on his hips.

"Well, I just don't see the point." Haruhi shrugs.

"You've gotta learn how to be creative, Haruhi." Kaoru states, spreading out his arms.

"Oh no, not this again." Haruhi groans, rolling her eyes.

"Oh no! It's a giant tuna!" Hikaru yells, pointing to a large plate of cake Mori is currently carrying to Hani's table.

"Swim away, fancy tuna, swim awayyy!" Kaoru frantically tells the still roses.

"Come on, guys. I've had enough with your… _imagination_. Has anybody ever told you to give up or call it quits?" Haruhi asks, wanting to move on with her life without much trouble.

"But we've only just started, Haruhi." Kaoru grins.

"Besides, there's nobody who can stop us. We can do whatever we want." Hikaru smirks.

"Adieu!" They say while hurdling over the couch.

* * *

"Uh, hello? Guys? Where'd you go?" Haruhi asks to no avail. She turns back towards her guests and continues her conversation. "Ugh, anyway. As I was saying-" And is quickly cut off by Hikaru's outburst.

"Haruhi! Haruhi, we have the tiara!" He exclaims, excitedly waving the delicate and expensive headwear.

"Aaaand they're back." Haruhi sighs and turns to face her clubmates. "What tiara?! You don't have to say my name twice!"

"The tiara, Haruhi. The magical tiara! Sp-sparkles sparkles!" Kaoru replies.

"Please just leave already." Haruhi complains, uninterested.

"The tiiaaaaraaa." They walk backwards and disappear behind the couch again.

* * *

"We did it!" Hikaru and Kaoru announce, appearing from behind the couch to jump up and high-five themselves.

"Good. Now go away. I have my customers to attend to. And don't you have your own?" Haruhi asks, annoyed.

"No, Haruhi." Hikaru exclaims.

"Noooo!" Kaoru says.

"Oh, what a surprise. Makes me wonder why you had any in the first place." Haruhi retorts.

"We have to take the tiara to the Commoner Queen!" Hikaru continues, unphased.

"Oh yeah, the Commoner Queen, I'm sure she exists. Yeah, right!" Haruhi replies.

"She-she's counting on us, Haruhi!" Kaoru exclaims.

"If we don't get the tiara to the Commoner Queen, the giant tuna will come and send the world into immense boredom!" Hikaru explains.

"Noo! Boredom!" Kaoru hollers in terror.

"That honestly doesn't sound that bad." Haruhi shrugs, she's met with two pairs of devilish glares.

"Ugh. Alright, fine! I'll go!" Haruhi concedes.

"Yayyyy!" The twins cry, arms in the air victoriously.

* * *

They come to a room with a giant three-dimensional Y in the middle.

"What the heck is that?" Haruhi asks.

"Whyyyyy!" The twins shout.

"el hombre nos conversos el envío!" Hikaru says.

"envos nos conte no muchos estilos esembrossas!" Karou adds.

 _e-e-ing uh-uh-uh uh-uh-uh_ The Y responds.

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" The twins laugh haughtily.

"...What?" Haruhi asks, confused.

"solemos estos toge esta nochez!" Hikaru says.

"selemen burros este ce?" Kaoru asks.

 _uh uh_ The Y replies. It shoots a beam of light into Haruhi's eye.

"Ah! What did you two do?!" Haruhi demands, angry and confused.

"Whyyyyyyyy!" They say, ignoring her.

"zy felez!" Hikaru says.

 _e-e-ing uh-uh-uh uh-uh-uh._ The Y answers.

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" The twins laugh again.

 _Inggggggg!_ The Y rings.

"Just keep swimming, Haruhi." Haruhi assures herself as she follows them out the door.

* * *

They come to another room, this one with an elevated round stage. Hikaru and Kaoru hop onto it excitedly.

"Hop onto the stage, Haruhi." Hikaru insists.

"It's gonna take us to the Commoner Queen!" Kaoru informs.

"I don't think that's a stage. Isn't it Renge's… I don't know what that thing is." Haruhi claims.

"It's the Cosplay Stage, Haruhi!" Hikaru explains.

"The Cosplay Stage!" Kaoru declares.

"Hurry Haruhi, it's about to leave!" Hikaru announces.

"Cos-play cos-play! Cos-play cosplay!" They chant.

"Yeah, I think I'll exit stage right." Haruhi decides as she leaves through another door.

* * *

They come to a dark corridor that leads to the auditorium.

"We're here, Haruhi!" Hikaru yells.

"The Palace of the Commoner Queen!" Kaoru announces.

"Great. Why did we come here again?" Haruhi asks.

Kasanoda in a green suit and a santa hat climbs out of a trap door.

"Who is that? No, no, really. You guys see it, right? … I gotta be honest, I'm getting kinda creeped out here. Somebody do something." Haruhi insists.

"Haruhi, you look quite down, with your big girly eyes and your big fat frown. The world doesn't have to be so grayyyy! Haruhi, when you're life's a mess, when you're feeling blue, always in distress. I know what can wash that sad awayyyy. All you have to do is; spill some coffee down your shirt!" The green santa bursts into song.

"Spill some coffee on my shirt?" Haruhi asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Spill some commoner's coffee right down your uniform. It's true." \

"Says who?!" Haruhi asks in exasperation.

"So true, once it's down, your gloom will disappear. The sad in the world turns to thrills, when down your shirt some coffee's spilled. So go and spill some coffee down your shirtttt."

"Spill some coffee on your shirttt." Some coffee containers and delicate teacups start singing.

"I'd rather keep away from dirt!" Haruhi exclaims.

"You will never be happy if you live your life in hurt." The objects sing.

"It's true." The green santa claims.

"Says you!" Haruhi shouts.

"So true."

"Once it's on, the sky's so bright and clear. Oh every day of every year, the sun shines bright in this big blue sphere." The choir sings.

"So go and spill some coffee down your shiiiiiirrrrrrtttttt!" The green santa finishes and returns to the bottom of the stage.

"Okay, well that was weird." Haruhi says.

"Go forth, magical tiara. Return to the Commoner Queen!" Hikaru tells the small plastic object as he flings it into the air. It softly lands on Haruhi's head.

"Haruhi! _You're_ the Commoner Queen!" Kaoru announces.

"What… ?" Haruhi asks. She is slowly lifted into the air.

"You're the Commoner Queen, Haruhi!" A 'Commoner' cries.

"No, I'm not! Hey, where'd you come from?!" Haruhi asks.

"All hail the Commoner Queen." Kaoru says.

"What's that even supposed to mean?!" Haruhi inquires.

"You _are_ the Commoner Queen." Hikaru asserts.

"N-no, I'm really not. Why do you keep saying that?!" Haruhi questions.

"Normaler!" The 'Commoner' says.

"I-I _am_ the Commoner Queen." Haruhi realizes.

"Yayyyyyyy!" The twins shout.

"You are the Commoner Queen!" The 'Commoner' claims.

"I'm the Commoner Queen! Yeah!" Haruhi yells.

"H-hey! Where'd you go! Guys? Hello?" She asks, noticing that she is alone. "Get me down from here!"She is suddenly dropped from about four feet onto the stage. "Gah! Owww."

* * *

"Hello? Helloo? Guys, where are you?" Haruhi asks, walking back to music room #3. She looks over to the twins' table to see her guests fawning over the two troublemakers.

"Ah, you gotta be kidding me! They stole my guests!" Haruhi exclaims, sitting down at her empty table.

"Haruhi!" They wave to her.

"What is it now? What do you want?!" Haruhi asks.

"Trolllll!" they say, sticking out their tongues.

* * *

 **Hope you enjoyed reading. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello again, readers who pay attention to me! I hope my fellow Americans had fun and stayed safe on Independence Day/4th of July! It's one of my favorite holidays (besides Easter), though my brother enjoys the fireworks more than I do. This year, we invited some friends over for dinner, and were surrounded by many fireworks. I wanted to update this last week, but I realized that this chapter is about twice as long as the others, so it took until the end of this week. Hopefully it isn't too confusing; I was in a bit of a rush to get it written before my vacation, which starts tomorrow.**

 **Another thing to note is that if you are a fellow author on this site, I just became a beta reader, so if you want my help, just ask! However, as I mentioned, I won't be available next week because I'll be on vacation.**

 **Anyway, hope you enjoy reading!**

* * *

Haruhi comes back from the supermarket with groceries.

"Haruhiiiii." Two particularly familiar voices call.

"Hello? Is someone there?" Haruhi asks.

"No, but two someones are." They reply.

"Oh, it's just you guys. Though I still don't know where you are…" Haruhi responds, looking around.

"Right here!" The twins shout, appearing behind her.

"Ah! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Haruhi scolds.

"We're from the future, Haruhi!" Hikaru announces.

"Don't we look badass?" Kaoru asks, as Haruhi notices their unusual attire. They are wearing all black, including matching black trench coats and a gun and a crossbow.

"Uh, yeah, sure. I'm not really one to ask about that." Haruhi answers, confused by their outfits.

"There's gonna be a zombie apocalypse!" Hikaru exclaims.

"We're all gonna die!" Kaoru cries.

"I find that highly unlikely. Besides, who's ever heard of the dead coming alive and walking around?" Haruhi rationalizes.

"You've never seen the Walking Dead?!" They ask, astonished.

"Guys, you know we're in Japan, right? I doubt very many people here have." Haruhi rebukes.

"Well, they're missing out!" Hikaru asserts.

"Yeah! Such amazing characters!" Kaoru agrees.

"And I'm Daryl!" Hikaru claims.

"Hey, why are you Daryl?!" Kaoru exclaims.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Hikaru sneers.

"I want to be the hero!" Kaoru whines.

"You can be Rick!" Hikaru suggests.

"I'm not Rick! He's not cool at all!" Kaoru argues.

"Yeah, and that's why you get to be him." Hikaru assures.

"Hikaru?" Kaoru asks.

"Yes?" Hikaru replies.

"Why are you always so mean to me?" Kaoru whimpers.

"..." Hikaru fails to respond.

"Who's Rick?" Haruhi interrupts.

"The totally uncool police officer from the Walking Dead." They both describe.

"I still don't understand. Then who's-" Haruhi starts.

"Haruhi! We need your help!" Hikaru cuts her off.

"Come with us to the future!" Kaoru proposes.

"We need your help to build our rocket launcher!" The twins explain.

"Rocket launcher? What for?" Haruhi asks.

"Killing zombies, of course!" Hikaru declares.

"What? That does-" Haruhi begins.

"No time to explain!" They says as they each grab one of her ears. She blinks as she is transported to the same place she was standing.

* * *

"-n't even make sense." Haruhi finishes.

"Haruhi, we're here!" They announce, letting go of her ears.

"In the futureeeee!" Kaoru informs.

Haruhi looks around to see the same road with the same red car parked to the side and the blue and orange fire hydrant in front of her apartment complex. She turns to them, unconvinced.

"Is this another one of your guy's stupid pranks?" She asks.

"And you say we're rude!" They say, crossing their arms.

"We'll have you know, Haruhi," Hikaru starts.

"It takes a great deal of time and skill to perfect our tricks." Kaoru finishes.

"What a waste of time and skill." Haruhi remarks.

"Boo! You're no fun!" They complain.

"Then why do you hang around me so much?!" Haruhi rebukes with a smirk.

"Who knows?" Hikaru questions, raising his arms.

"Who could say?" Kaoru wonders, grinning.

"Perhaps it's because the plot wills us to." They slyly hint, as they start walking down the street.

* * *

"Shhh. You'll attract the walkers." Kaoru stage whispers.

"I didn't say anything!" Haruhi claims.

"We need to get to the river." Hikaru explains.

"And we gotta be sneaky." Kaoru murmurs.

"Oh no! Listen!" They scream.

"The walkers are approaching! Run!" Kaoru shrieks, as he bursts into a run.

"I thought we were trying to be sneaky!" Haruhi shouts.

"Nope!" Hikaru denys, following his brother.

"Damn hypocrites." Haruhi mumbles, as she tries to catch up with the twins.

"Hurry! There's more of them!" Hikaru yells.

"They're everywhereeeee!" Kaoru yelps, looking around frantically.

"What? I don't see anything!" Haruhi exclaims, glancing behind her.

"Oh no! They're catching up to us!" Kaoru cries.

Hikaru shoots randomly in the distance. "Crap! There's too many of them!" He fusses.

Haruhi pants heavily, slowing down. "Can't we take a break? I feel like I'm gonna pass out. Even if there were zombies, wouldn't they be far behind us? I thought they were supposed to be slow." She asks.

"Heh, like you?" They tease.

"Eh, I just want to go home!" She objects.

"Haruhi! We're almost there!" Hikaru encourages.

"Just a little further!" Kaoru adds.

"I think I'll take my chances with the so-called walkers." Haruhi replies as she suddenly stops running, and leans down with exhaustion.

"No! A walker got Haruhi!" Kaoru shouts.

"What? I still don't see what you're talking about." Haruhi says, looking up at them.

"Guys, I'm-wulah!" She shrieks as Hikaru shoots a tree inches from her head.

"Haruhi! Watch out!" He calls a bit late.

"Don't you think you could've tried to warn me before you nearly put a bullet through my skull?" Haruhi scolds.

"Eh." They respond, shrugging.

"Sheesh. It's as if you have no regard for my safety." Haruhi states. They hop into a sailboat with a giant stuffed teddy-bear on its sails and start to float across the small lake.

* * *

"Shhh. You'll attract the walkers." Kaoru stage whispers.

"I didn't say anything!" Haruhi claims.

"We need to get to the river." Hikaru explains.

"And we gotta be sneaky." Kaoru murmurs.

"Oh no! Listen!" They scream.

"The walkers are approaching! Run!" Kaoru shrieks, as he bursts into a run.

"I thought we were trying to be sneaky!" Haruhi shouts.

"Nope!" Hikaru denys, following his brother.

"Damn hypocrites." Haruhi mumbles, as she tries to catch up with the twins.

"Hurry! There's more of them!" Hikaru yells.

"They're everywhereeeee!" Kaoru yelps, looking around frantically.

"What? I don't see anything!" Haruhi exclaims, glancing behind her.

"Oh no! They're catching up to us!" Kaoru cries.

Hikaru shoots randomly in the distance. "Crap! There's too many of them!" He fusses.

Haruhi pants heavily, slowing down. "Can't we take a break? I feel like I'm gonna pass out. Even if there were zombies, wouldn't they be far behind us? I thought they were supposed to be slow." She asks.

"Heh, like you?" They tease.

"Eh, I just want to go home!" She objects.

"Haruhi! We're almost there!" Hikaru encourages.

"Just a little further!" Kaoru adds.

"I think I'll take my chances with the so-called walkers." Haruhi replies as she suddenly stops running, and leans down with exhaustion.

"No! A walker got Haruhi!" Kaoru shouts.

"What? I still don't see what you're talking about." Haruhi says, looking up at them.

"Guys, I'm-wulah!" She shrieks as Hikaru shoots a tree inches from her head.

"Haruhi! Watch out!" He calls a bit late.

"Don't you think you could've tried to warn me before you nearly put a bullet through my skull?" Haruhi scolds.

"Eh." They respond, shrugging.

"Sheesh. It's as if you have no regard for my safety." Haruhi states. They hop into a sailboat with a giant stuffed teddy-bear on its sails and start to float across the small lake.

* * *

"Ring ring!" Kaoru starts, bringing his hand up to his ear as if it were a phone.

"Hellooo?" Hikaru responds with the same gesture.

"Ring ring!" Kaoru repeats.

"He-he-helloooo?" Hikaru asks again, squinting.

"Ring ring!" Kaoru replies.

"Helloooo?" Hikaru responds cross-eyed.

"Ring ring!" Kaoru returns.

"He-he-hellooo?" Hikaru looks to the left.

"… Ring ring-" Kaoru starts again.

"You have a bad connection!" Haruhi concludes.

"Time to go down belowww!" Hikaru announces.

"Into the liquid abyss!" Kaoru exclaims as the boat starts to sink.

"You mean the river, right? Oh my God. Hey! I'm not wearing a life jacket! Or a seatbelt!" Haruhi frets.

"Ring ring!" Hikaru continues.

"Hellooo!" Kaoru responds.

"I'm serious! Are you even listening to me?!" Haruhi asks, panicking.

"Ring ring!" Kaoru maintains.

"Hellooo!" Hikaru replies.

"Ring ring!" Kaoru says again.

"Helloooo!" Hikaru answers.

"I don't understand what this has to do with a rocket launcher!" Haruhi pleas.

"Ring ring!" Hikaru repeats.

"Helloooo-blub-blub-blub-blub-blub-blub-blub!" Kaoru sounds as they go beneath the surface.

* * *

The boat touches the bottom of the lake and the trio climb out and start walking.

"See, Ha! Looook!" Hikaru says, pointing excitedly at objects in the water.

"This is our secret hide-out! It's where we've hidden our project!" Kaoru declares.

"Gotta build a rocket launcher, right? Though I don't understand your reasons for dragging me down here like you do everytime I see you two! What's the point?!" Haruhi remarks.

"Why you gotta be so rude?" The twins ask.

* * *

"To get to our project, we first have to read the booook!" Kaoru claims.

"The notebooook!" Hikaru mimics.

"The notebook?" Haruhi questions.

"The-the-the notebook!" They stutter.

"Yes, what about it?" Haruhi asks.

"The notebook is everything!" Hikaru asserts.

"All that once was and all that will be!" Kaoru declares.

"Did you steal that from Kyoya-senpai?" Haruhi inquires.

"The book controls time and space and love and death! The book can see into your miiind!" Hikaru claims.

"The book can see into your soulllll!" Kaoru appeals.

"Huh. I've always wondered what was in it. Though I didn't expect all that." Haruhi admits.

"Hah, we lied." Hikaru reveals.

"We have no idea what's really in there." Kaoru confesses.

* * *

"We're almost there, Haruhi! It's right at the end of this- Oh my God, it's a whale!" Hikaru stops in his tracks.

"Nooo! Whaaaale!" Kaoru wails.

...

"Just a few more steps, and we'll- Oh my God! It's a narwhal!" Hikaru shouts, pointing at the harmless animal.

"Nooo! Narwhallll! … Narwhal of deeeaaath! It's gonna kill us!" Kaoru whines, cowering.

...

"It's right up ahead now. You can see the- Oh my God it's a-" Hikaru starts.

"Stop it! Shut up! I don't care about all the sea creatures you see!" Haruhi interrupts.

"Man, you didn't even let me finish my sentence." Hikaru pouts.

"But Haruhi, they care about youuuu!" Kaoru expresses.

Music starts to play from an unknown source.

"Why am I not surprised. More singing." Haruhi groans.

A mermaid that resembles Renge enters on the rotating platform with a megaphone and begins to sing.

"Wheeen, you're feeling overwhelmed, you wanna go home, and the world has fallen in love with you!"

"But I'm not even that important." Haruhi objects.

The mermaid whispers to audience: "Ahh, if only our heroine knew she was the main character of this…" She whips out the Ouran High School Host Club manga Volume 1 and reads the back. "Screwball romantic comedy?!" She hollers in surprise. "What?! I was going to point out that it's a reverse harem! That's the most important part! And they didn't even mention me once!" She shouts in distress as she tosses the volume off her rotating stage. Sea creatures watch it sink to the sea floor. A manta ray scoops it up into its mouth.

The mermaid continues to sing. "Wheeen, your heart is cold as stone, just change your tone! Don't be so mad, and the world will be glad!"

"Well that's pretty harsh." Haruhi comments.

"'Cause, swordfishes," The mermaid continues.

"Love youuu!" A swordfish sings.

"Jellyfishes,"

"Love youu." A jellyfish chimes in.

"Starfish-"

"I love youuu!" Ranka dressed as a starfish shouts in his daughter's face.

"You know it's true! Catfishes,"

"Love you." A catfish hums.

"Cuttlefishes,"

"Love you." A cuttlefish tones.

"Blowfish-"

"Starfish really loves youu!" THe starfish interrupts again.

"In the ocean blue!" Kyoya enters in a black cat costume and bursts into a rap. "Lungfish, blackfish, alligator, icefish, armorhead, hammerhead, anaconda, flathead, manta ray, sting ray, fang-tooth moray, goblin shark, grass carp, round, river, bat ray! Noodlefish, hagfish, man o' war, ladyfish. Black eel, baby seal, sprat, koi, electric eel! Lamprey, pejerrey, yellow-edged moray, salmon shark, sleeper shark, featherback, and eagle ray!"

"Welll, you can ignore this plea. That's fine with me. But one day you'll see, that my words are true!" The mermaid continues.

"You're almost done singing now, right?" Haruhi asks.

"But if, you find that you are gray, I guarantee, that you will soon be feeling the love toooo!" The mermaid adds.

"That's nice. Just ignore my question." Haruhi sarcastically remarks.

...

"'Cause swordfishes,"

"Ahh, not again!" Haruhi complains.

...

"Love me!" The starfish requests.

"In the ocean piiiink!" The mermaid finishes.

"Sink?" Haruhi asks.

"No, pink! Like the sky during the sunset!" The twins correct.

"What does that have to do with the ocean?" Haruhi quizzes.

"Man, you've got a lot of admirers, Haruhi." Kaoru admits.

"I'd say I'm almost jealous!" Hikaru confesses.

Renge returns to wherever she came from, via her rotating platform.

"See, now that actually makes sense. Nobody else should be crazy enough to be on that thing but the owner herself." Haruhi notes in approval. She turns to the twins to find them gone. In their place, she finds the scraps of the weapon they were searching for. "Hey guys! I found the rocket launcher! What did you want me to do?" Her voice echoes in the silence. "Uh, hello?" A mysterious gas fills the air and Haruhi can't help but breathe it in. "What the...? Oh! Sleeping gas, of course! Why did I expect any different?" She states before fainting.

* * *

"Ughhh." Haruhi opens her eyes to see she is back in her room with blankets covering her. "What happened? Oh, right. It was those two again. But that still doesn't expla-" She is interrupted by two unfortunately familiar voices.

"Happy Birthday, Haruhiiiii!" They cry as they jump out from behind her desk.

"Bwah! Where did you guys come from?" She asks, startled.

Hikaru blows a party blower. "We were here the whole time!" He grins.

"You don't look as cute when you're sleeping." Kaoru observes, then blows another party blower.

"That's not very nice. And it's a little unsettling." Haruhi remarks.

"We're not so indecent as to forget your birthday!" They claim.

"Oh yeah? Could've fooled me." Haruhi mumbles.

"So we got you this!" Kaoru hands back her homework that is done incorrectly and late.

"Uh thanks?" She says, then looks at poor work. "Not really."

"Hey, Haruhi." Sakurazuka requests.

"We baked you a cake." Kurakano states.

"We hope you like it!" Kanako suggests.

"Really? That's so sweet of you girls." Haruhi replies, displaying her signature smile. "Unlike those two over there." She mutters quietly.

"You really think so?" Sakurazuka asks.

"We're so glad you like it!" Kurakano professes.

"But I haven't even tried it yet." Haruhi whispers.

"I was so worried we wouldn't have enough ingredients with what little we could find in the cabinets." Kanako confesses.

"But thankfully Hikaru and Kaoru found some right outside the door." Kurakano reveals.

"I wonder who could've left them there." Sakurazuka says.

"Oh, I see. So that's what they did that for. Great, now I have to buy some more ingredients." Haruhi groans.

* * *

 **To those of you who have made it to the end of this long chapter, please Favorite, Follow, and Review! Hopefully I'll update soon!**


	4. Chapter 4

Haruhi is walking to school when two familiar voices in a red and white racecar nearly run her over.

"Ready for crash landing!" Hikaru shouts, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

"Preparing the parachutes!" Kaoru announces, pushing random buttons.

"Ah-bwaaaht?" Haruhi reacts, backing up.

"Umbridge! We have Umbridge!" Hikaru protests.

"Abandon vehicle! We're going dowwwn!" Kaoru wails.

"Anyway, I'll just continue walking and ignore what's going on behind me." Haruhi says as she carefully makes her way around the chaotic mess in front of her.

"There's no time to evacuate! This is the end!" Hikaru declares.

"I see the lightttt!" Kaoru states. "Hey, Haruhi!" The twins say, jumping in front of her.

"Uh, hi. I totally wasn't trying to leave or anything." Haruhi replies nervously.

"Mmm-hmm?" They raise an eyebrow, unconvinced.

"Okay, fine. What is it this time?" Haruhi asks in defeat.

"Time! That's exactly what we are lacking!" Kaoru stresses.

"We need to get to the moon!" Hikaru exclaims.

"In outer spaaaace!" They yell, pointing to the sky.

"The moon? Why do we need to-" Haruhi starts.

"Bibbidy-bobbidy-boo! Let's go to the moon!" Kaoru sings.

"Huh? What's on the moon?" Haruhi asks.

"An ugly old daddy." They describe.

"That doesn't-what?" Haruhi asks.

"He's using phony prince powers to destroy the Mound of the Bluestrings!" Kaoru explains.

"I don't care! Why did I even ask? Obviously I won't have a choice, so let's get going already!" Haruhi insists.

"No way! Why didn't you say so earlier?" They reply, escorting her toward an oddly familiar spaceship.

"So how are we- … Oh, of course." Haruhi answers her own question as she gazes up at the giant replica of the USS Enterprise.

* * *

"So are we really going to the moon?" Haruhi asks.

"Aaah! Haruhi! There's a nasty teddy bear on your shoulder!" Hikaru shrieks.

"What? Where? Is it the father?" Haruhi frets.

"Oh my god, Haruhi, get it oooofff!" Kaoru screams.

"I don't feel anything." Haruhi notes, glaring at them.

"Aaah! It's giving me the ugly eye!" Hikaru fusses.

"Stuffed Animal Patrol!" The twins call.

"This is the SAP. We have you surrounded, Kuma-chan!" Kazukiyo in a police suit claims.

"Okay." Haruhi pauses, confused.

"Tickle him!" Hikaru orders. Kazukiyo starts tickling her.

"Ha ha ha ha! Hey!" Haruhi laughs.

"He's looking at me funny!" Kaoru states.

"Ha ha ha! Stop it! There's nothing there!" Haruhi protests.

"He's got a bow-tie!" Hikaru affirms.

"Ha ha! Please stop!" Haruhi begs.

"And it's green!" Kaoru adds.

"Ha ha haaaah!" Haruhi laughs until she's out of breath.

* * *

The spaceship touches down on a white dusty surface. Haruhi and the twins step out.

"Tadaaaa!" The twins present.

"Yaaaaay." Haruhi rolls her eyes.

"Let's go, Haruhi!" Kaoru chants.

"I believe in yooooou." Hikaru cheers.

"Let's go where?" Haruhi asks.

"Behold! The ugly daddyyyyy!" They announce as music starts to play.

"Uh, yeah. More singing." Haruhi groans. Tamaki with a crown and a shirt that reads 'FATHER' rises from Renge's rotating platform.

"I am so princely. I am amazing! I command you to gaze upon my face! You'll never find someone charming as I am! I'm the swankiest host of the club! I'm a star, I'm a god! I'm a thing to behold! There is none as resplendent as I! With my skinny long legs, and my capturing gaze, for my majesty none can deny! Because I am so princely. I am mysterious. When I vanish, I never leave a trace! You will not find someone with such illusions, I'm a creature of fathomless grace!"

His customers join in, "Princely means the lord, princely means galore. Princely means mature, princely means savior. Princely means mature. Princely means so pure. Princely means the cure for all the supremes."

"I am so princely, I am a champion! No one else in the academy keeps pace! You'll never find someone quite as enchanting! While I'm here, there's just no second place. I'm an idol, a king, I'm an object of awe! There is none quite so gleaming as I! I've got glamour to spare, you are right when you stare. I'm the who, what, when, where and the why! Join me!"

His customers chant, "He is so princely. He is astounding. Wisdom flows from his perfect styled hair. You'll never find someone darling as he is."

"I'm the swankiest, tutelary host. Certainly best-dressed, host of the club!" Tamaki finishes as he strikes a pose and returns down the rotating platform.

"You did it, Haruhi! You defeated the daddy!" The twins shout.

"No I didn't. He just left, like everyone does when they sing to me!" Haruhi declares.

"Wooah! Look!" Kaoru exclaims, pointing at a large hill.

"The mound has appeared!" Hikaru states.

"Oh! No! I don't want to do it! I can't take any more of this! You two, are such troublemakers!" Haruhi stresses.

"Haruhi! Listen to me! This is the most important thing we've needed you for! If you go into the mound, we'll never bother you again!" Hikaru claims.

"Never?" Haruhi asks.

"We promise! You can quit complaining, Haruhi!" Kaoru cries.

"Really? Okay, I'll go in." Haruhi insists.

"Haruhi! You're a Dream Machine!" They cheer.

Dream Machiiine. Some mysterious voice utters.

"Alright, so, we're in. What do I do?" Haruhi asks. She then looks at the bottomless pool. "Uhhhh, what is that?"

"We've gotten. Kind-of bored." Hikaru admits.

"We're also bored of the moon!" Kaoru states.

"So, we're gonna send it into a black hole!" Hikaru announces.

"What? Uh-okay? What about the spaceship?" Haruhi trot off to it without her.

"Bye, Haruhi!" Kaoru shouts.

"You've always kind of sounded like a girl! But you don't act like one!" Hikaru confesses.

"Uhhh, you two are going a little far this time, huh? Hikaru? Kaoru?" Haruhi stares as their ship leaves the ground.

"Haruhi! We don't have much time!" The starfish from earlier reveals.

"Oh! Dad! They're, uh, trying to kill me." Haruhi affirms.

"All will be explained! But first, you need to wish on me!" The starfish describes.

"What?" Haruhi asks.

"I'm a star, make a wish! Wish to wake up!" The starfish urges.

"Alright, but what happens if-" Haruhi starts.

"Just do it, my girl! Wiiiish!" The starfish demands.

"I wish to wake up!" Haruhi shouts.

"Waaaake!" The starfish screams as the world disappears in a black hole.

* * *

Haruhi opens her eyes to see her father's face with a worried expression as he shakes her. He stops when he sees her glaring at him. She sighs and says, "Dad, I had the weirdest dream…" before looking up to see him dressed in a mermaid costume. Then sighs again and falls back onto her futon.

* * *

 **Sorry, it's been a while. I've been busy with soccer tournaments and tryouts. So, this is the last chapter of this story, and of the original Charlie the Unicorn series thus far. The little part at the end is from a theory I have about the series as a whole. Please Follow and Review!**


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